Breakdown

I usually have the strength to hold back my tears until at least after school; however, today I had a slightly hard time holding tears back past third period. It is not like me at all to just cry in front of people. That’s what gets me in trouble in the first place isn’t it? Yes, yes it is.
Third period, I was talking to one of my mom teachers, and I just lost it. Tears began to run down my face without any warning at all. From that point on, I couldn’t stop the tears from continuing to flow down my face. Luckily, I didn’t have to go to fourth period…
I always feel bad when I go into lunch period crying because my other mom teacher has to sit there and see me crying, but she can’t do anything about it because there are other students in the classroom at the time. I don’t do it on purpose, but sometimes things happen I guess.
People keep telling me I need to get help of some sort… Maybe someday I will… Maybe someday my parents will be the ones encouraging me to do so… Maybe someday, I will be able to get through each and every single day without the fear of World War Three breaking out in my house….
Is that to much to ask? Am I really that bad of a person? To I show more emotion than I should? Why can’t I trust people to the max, they mean well don’t they?

So many questions and scenarios run through my head each and everyday… But, I do know, from this life I will become a strong independent women. Maybe someday I will be that women… Till then I need to be careful not to have another breakdown anytime soon.

A Great Friend

I have this friend that I have looked at as a role model for a while now. She is always smiling, giving encouragement, and being bubbly. I never understood how someone could be so happy all the time, but I wanted to be that person.
However, we have been getting a lot closer this year, and I realized that she has actually been putting up with a lot at school and at home. This smiling, encouraging, bubbly friend was in need of what she has been gifting me for years; she needed some encouragement.
Yesterday this friend sent me a text message that brought me to tears. The text message was

I was just thinking about you! I was admiring your ability to maintain your faith in difficult times. I wish I could be like you.

This text message made me realize two things.
1. That one of my best friends was struggling more than she let on, and I was in the wrong by assuming that she was handling the situations better than I would be able to handle them. That she needs someone to let her know that she is an amazing friend and encouraging person in my life.
2. I was a witness for God to someone in my life. I have allowed God’s light to shine through me to others even when I have a cloud of darkness surrounding me due to issues at home. I am not lagging in my faith as much as I thought I was. This was a realization that I much needed.

I believe that I can speak for the both of us by saying that we have a very mutual relationship. We definitely need each other’s strength in order to make it through each and every day. I have no idea where I would be without the continuous encouragement from one of my best friends.

If you ever read this Hannah… Thank you for always putting up with me and being a great friend!

Senior Year

     Yesterday I got my senior pictures taken by one of my favorite teachers. I was so excited to finally get them done. Then the realization hit me. I am going to be a senior this year. This is my final year of highschool. This is crazy! Time flies when you’re least expecting it too!
     Twelfth grade is the time of your life where you make decisions that affect the rest of your life. What college you want to go to. What you want to go to college for. It’s the most stress one has to feel until they get older.
      Luckily, I know what I want to be, and I am pretty sure that I know what college I want to go to. All I have to worry about is getting accepted into the college that I want to go to. I’m going to be beginning to apply for colleges very soon.

Does anyone know any colleges that have a really good marine biology programs as well as a good study abroad program? Any suggests would be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance!

Saying Our Goodbyes (Last day of UB)

Today was a day filled with joy, sadness, and a quick feeling of missing all of the newly made friends. Today was the day that went by too fast for anyone to realize that it was really happening. Today was the last day of Upward Bound Summer Academy 2014.
I made so many new friends and memories while I attended this program. I knew that six weeks couldn’t last forever no matter how much I really wanted them too. As I gave out hugs to say goodbye, tears were instantly flowing down my face.
I find it amazing how in a group of close to if not 80 kids, one can be themselves and still be accepted by everyone. Nobody disliked another student. No one person was left out in a group. No one person didn’t make the exact same friends as another.
I am glad to be home in my own bed watching over my little sister, but I will definitely miss the support system I have found in my Upward Bound family. This was definitely a summer that I will never forget.

Upward Bound!

I am the type of girl that would rather stay on the couch at my house and watch Netflix than go out and meet new people. Always afraid of being hurt in the long run, rather than excited to make some life long friends. Being in the Upward Bound club at my school, all rising seniors are required to go this summer Program at Penn State. I immediately did not want to go. Hanging out with a bunch of people that I barely knew for six weeks, no thanks.

My mom finally convinced me to try it out, Maybe I would end up to like it in the end. Of course, once again, my mother was right! There is only one week left, and I do not want this to end. I have made so many new friends already. I also met a really nice boy that turned out to like me back, That’s right out of this whole experience, I even got a new boyfriend.

Classes four times a week, barely any sleep, and a bunch of people that I did not know none of this sounded fun too me. I was definitely proven wrong! I absolutely love it here. Today, I go home for the weekend and get to relax before coming back for the last week. The last week consists of college tours, a blood drive, and even a trip to Pittsburgh.

I am beyond proud of myself for getting my butt up off of the couch and trying something new for a change. I earned some great friends and even a great boyfriend from all the torturous events that we went through.

The next time that you have the option to meet with a large group of people for how ever long, Take it! You never know what might come from the experience no matter how torturous the experience may seem at first.

 

Scuba Diving

This past summer I was blessed enough to go on a trip to Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji. This trip was absolutely fantastic!
My favorite part of the trip was Australia. While we were there, we went out to the Great Barrier Reef on a cruise ship named Marine World.

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While we were out on the reef, we had many different options for activities. We could scuba dive, snorkel, take helicopter rides, etc. I was so excited to go scuba diving, but I was also extremely nervous. What if I ran out of oxygen? What if I got stranded? These thoughts kept running through my mind.
Eventually it became my groups turn to go. We all got our equipment on, and headed down on a platform, so we could practice breathing under water. I was shaking like crazy by this point.
Once we started off under water, I was so excited. The nervousness quickly vanished. The sights were absolutely fantastic! Definitely a once in a life time experience.

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My scuba group! ^^^^^

Role Model

Everybody has that one person in their life that they look up to. That one person who they want to be just like. That person for me is my Pastor.

I have only been going to church three years, but I go by myself. My parents don’t go with me. The church is within walking distance from my house, so it’s perfectly fine.

Last year, my pastor announced she had a brain tumor. It was benign, but surgery was still required. It took seven months of recovery before my pastor felt herself again. To this day, she is deaf in one ear, slightly blind in one eye and her mouth is still dropped, but she still preaches like nothing ever happened.

This past Thursday night she got back from being away at school for two weeks. Friday night her mother passed away. This morning she was here to preach.

These, what may look like, simple events to most are life changing to me. This woman has been through so much and she doesn’t even let it phase her. This just shows that whatever God brings you to, He will also get you through. It’s a great feeling to know that you shouldn’t be afraid because God will get you through whatever is wrong.

My pastor is one person who I can get into random conversation with, text when my parents are fighting and talk about random stuff with to get my mind off of it, house I can randomly show up at and we just watch tv like I was invited over. She’s the most amazing person I have ever met. She even said she adopted me haha :). Not for real, but it’s good to have another mom. Well I guess she is my church family mom.