The Attack of the can of Pineapple Juice…

Well, today I was sitting on the couch trying to ignore the bickering going on around me. My sister got up and asked if I would like a drink, since she was getting one for herself. I asked if she would get me a can of Pineapple juice. You know the cute little cans?

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That cute little can of deliciousness attacked me. My sister came back into the room, and instead of handing me the can; she whipped the can at me. After realizing a can of pineapple juice was flying towards my face, the clumsy me attempted to catch it…
However, I missed and the can made pretty hard contact with my upper lip. I could instantly taste blood in my mouth and was terrified that a tooth was knocked out. Luckily, the blood was just from my tooth hitting my lip and from the gums around my teeth. To make it even better, I also have a fat lip…
Everyone laughed at me when the pineapple juice can attacked my face… However, I didn’t find it very funny then, it is kind of amusing to answer the question “what did you do to your lip?” with “I was attacked by a can of pineapple juice…”

Hope this was as amusing to you guys as it was to my family as it happened….

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Breakdown

I usually have the strength to hold back my tears until at least after school; however, today I had a slightly hard time holding tears back past third period. It is not like me at all to just cry in front of people. That’s what gets me in trouble in the first place isn’t it? Yes, yes it is.
Third period, I was talking to one of my mom teachers, and I just lost it. Tears began to run down my face without any warning at all. From that point on, I couldn’t stop the tears from continuing to flow down my face. Luckily, I didn’t have to go to fourth period…
I always feel bad when I go into lunch period crying because my other mom teacher has to sit there and see me crying, but she can’t do anything about it because there are other students in the classroom at the time. I don’t do it on purpose, but sometimes things happen I guess.
People keep telling me I need to get help of some sort… Maybe someday I will… Maybe someday my parents will be the ones encouraging me to do so… Maybe someday, I will be able to get through each and every single day without the fear of World War Three breaking out in my house….
Is that to much to ask? Am I really that bad of a person? To I show more emotion than I should? Why can’t I trust people to the max, they mean well don’t they?

So many questions and scenarios run through my head each and everyday… But, I do know, from this life I will become a strong independent women. Maybe someday I will be that women… Till then I need to be careful not to have another breakdown anytime soon.

Will Today be the Same as Yesterday?

Do you ever have those days that when you wake up, you feel as if the day is going to be the best one you’ve had in a long time? Then not long after being awake, your realize you couldn’t have been more wrong even if you tried…. That’s how yesterday was for me.

I woke up to the smell of French toast being cooked. This was the first time someone (other than me) has cooked a meal in over a week. I get up and race out to the kitchen. My mom’s out there making her delicious French toast, and my dad is in the living room playing on his phone.
We ate like a family for the first time in a really long time. Then it started to go downhill from there. They started bickering because mom made mention of one of dad’s “girlfriends.” You can’t mention that without my dad becoming cranky…
My mom left for work around 9:45 am… And not even 20 minutes later, my dad told me he was going to be out of the house till 2:00p.m, and I had till then to find a place to go. I wasn’t allowed at my own house. Him telling me that, made me feel like a terrible daughter.
I had drama from 11-12, but I stayed there until 3. I then went into state college with a few friends from drama until around 10. I then stayed at my nans. Thankfully during this time, I had my pastor to repeatedly tell me that this wasn’t my fault.
My mom got home from work around 7:30 and was wondering why I didn’t come home all day, do I told her to ask my father. He told her that I just said I wasn’t coming home all day. Therefore, I got into even more trouble.
Now I am sitting in my car before going into church, wondering if today is going to be a repeat of yesterday. Please God, give me the patience to get through this day. AMEN.

Realizing Everything is Going Wrong

Have you ever realized how in just a few weeks people can disappear out of your life? How things can change dramatically? Wanting everything to rewind just isn’t working.
My last post was a happy one at the beach right? No fighting. I was happy.

Yeah, well that has crashed down real quick… My parents now scream at each other as they walk through the door, scream at each other when a phone goes off, and even scream at each other because they’re screaming at each other. Like can you not?!?
They yell at my sister and I for our little arguments that we have, but haven’t they realized maybe that’s all we know. Because that is all they do?.
My moms best friend is like a mom to me. She is my best friend and is always there for me. Now she isn’t allowed at my house, and I’m not supposed to talk to her. Well that’s a heck of a change. How am I supposed to go from telling everything to someone to never seeing them or talking to them again?
I believe it’s finally time to start disagreeing with my parents. Something has got to change here. There’s obviously something wrong, and they are punishing everyone else for it instead of themselves.
Is it really that hard to stop drinking? Is it really that hard to stop fighting? Is it really that hard to understand me?

Comment if you can relate.

Role Model

Everybody has that one person in their life that they look up to. That one person who they want to be just like. That person for me is my Pastor.

I have only been going to church three years, but I go by myself. My parents don’t go with me. The church is within walking distance from my house, so it’s perfectly fine.

Last year, my pastor announced she had a brain tumor. It was benign, but surgery was still required. It took seven months of recovery before my pastor felt herself again. To this day, she is deaf in one ear, slightly blind in one eye and her mouth is still dropped, but she still preaches like nothing ever happened.

This past Thursday night she got back from being away at school for two weeks. Friday night her mother passed away. This morning she was here to preach.

These, what may look like, simple events to most are life changing to me. This woman has been through so much and she doesn’t even let it phase her. This just shows that whatever God brings you to, He will also get you through. It’s a great feeling to know that you shouldn’t be afraid because God will get you through whatever is wrong.

My pastor is one person who I can get into random conversation with, text when my parents are fighting and talk about random stuff with to get my mind off of it, house I can randomly show up at and we just watch tv like I was invited over. She’s the most amazing person I have ever met. She even said she adopted me haha :). Not for real, but it’s good to have another mom. Well I guess she is my church family mom.

Daily Post: Last Lie

Okay, the last lie I told is a pretty major one. And it’s not all a lie all in the same. It was told this morning, but happened last night…

I injured my knee pretty badly. No breaks or anything (that I know of… Didn’t go to the doctors), but it is swollen. I was in the kitchen and was walking towards the table. I fell (due to my knee giving out) and hit the leg of the table with my knee.

This caused the leg of the table to split. With out me knowing it split, I used my hand to help myself up by putting pressure on the top. I stood up and leaned against the table (did not sit on it!!) and the top part broke.! Not a good day.

I wake up this morning to my mom freaking out on me without giving me time to explain what happen. The lie comes in when I did not tell her I leaned on it because she will count that as sitting on it…

I feel terrible, but I hurt my knee worse and it doesn’t even seem like she cares. Shouldn’t she be worried my knee is swollen and has been giving out more often as the days go on? I need a doctors appointment like now.

Well… That’s my most recent lie. And I feel terrible… But everyone lies ever now and again right?

Just venting

Okay, today I was sitting on the couch reading a book I have to read for school. My dad was sitting across the room.

My dad: Kay you need to stop being lazy, your getting fat… All you do is read. You need to get active.

Me: *Just staring at him*

That right there probably broke me more than it should have. All my life I have been dealing with remarks like that from him, from my school, and from my doctor. There are people who try to tell me I am at a fine weight, but how am I supposed to believe that when the people I’m supposed to believe are telling me other wise.

I am 5’5 and 150…

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Seriously I don’t get why he just can’t be like… Kay, you don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you don’t do drugs, your not having sex, you get awesome grades, I am proud of you kid. But no instead he sits here and calls me fat and lazy… Thanks, I needed that Dad. Now time to cry myself to sleep.