Questions… And More Questions

Have you ever wondered why you are where you are? Why loneliness never goes away? When will you feel like you belong? Why can’t I just please you for a change?

These questions seen to run through my head a lot. Especially lately. If you have read previous posts you should know that my dad is an alcoholic, and we don’t get a long very well. My mom is afraid of him and sticks up for him about everything. Even if it is a lie…

Sometimes it makes you feel abandoned. Like nobody is there. Like you don’t belong in the family you are in. Lately, I have come to see various differences between my family and I.

1. When a fight happens… The next day no one speaks of it or even acts like it happens except me. I always bring it up or can’t get over the anger I have built up inside me. I really wish there was someone to talk to.

2. My family gets mad over simple things. Including: picking, asking the same questions repeatedly, etc. Then instead of acting like they are mad at just that one person, they are mad at everyone. It’s so irritating!

3. When my family is mad they act like they are two not 34 and 38. They throw stuff, slam things down, mock each other, call each other very immature names. When I am mad I yell a little then listen to head phones until I decide I can face the world again.

I could continue on, but I don’t want to bore you. These simple differences between my family and I make me feel like I don’t belong in the household. Like I am the odd one out. Like nobody cares.

If I didn’t look like a spitting image of my mother and there weren’t pictures proving my mother being my mother, then I would probably feel like I was adopted. They would never tell me if I was. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair.

When moments like these come by, my favorite place to be is at a church event. Being surrounded by my church family, makes me feel like I actually belong somewhere. Knowing God is my Father… I can never be alone.

I think that is why my favorite verse in the Bible is Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

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Comment if you feel this way. Or if this is your favorite verse. Or if you feel like you belong when surrounded by your church family.

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2 thoughts on “Questions… And More Questions

  1. I’ve never had a church family. It’s something I regret not prioritizing. I go to a HUGE church where no one know who anyone is unless they get to know the “usual” people who sit around them in the bleacher-like stands. Your positivity is astonishing and the fact that you know so securely who you are in God’s family is awesome! 🙂

    • My church is small probably no more than 50 people on a normal Sunday. Our church is big on making sure you are as welcoming and loving as can be. I started going to my church almost 3 years ago by myself because my parents don’t go to church. I picked a church within walking distance and boy am I glad I did! I have so many inspirational people in my church family and most of them know how I feel at home, so they are big on making me feel at home. My pastor is a HUGE role model of mine. She went through brain tumor removal and everything. Having this kind of relationship with church and my church family reminds me how big Gods love for us is. How many people really do spread the love of God upon each other. How blessed we are :).

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